Over the years, people have asked me many questions that were a bit annoying and sometimes rude. Friends, family and colleagues are all guilty. They would ask questions like, “So, why are you gaining so much weight?” “When are you getting married?” “Why would you choose that career?” and the list goes on. I could deal with all of them, however, the one question that drove me bonkers even to this day is “When will you have a/another baby?” I know I’m usually asked this annoying question out of curiosity and not hostility. However, I still don’t like it. If your out there and you know what I’m saying, say I!
Funny thing is, In the past, I too would ask friends and relatives the same question not realizing how offensive and painful it could be to some of them. I had to learn the hard way and from lot’s of experience. Whenever I did ask and got a NO I was at least smart and considerate enough to not ask again. Just the other day, a friend texted to say hello! She then followed with, “Are you pregnant yet?” I didn’t ask when she would tie the not after dating her boo thang for 7 years. Wanna know why? because it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS! When people become more interested in my ovaries than my actual well being then Houston we have a problem. If you’re still asking this question, here’s a few things to consider first.
1.MISCARRIAGES & complications happen
Some people are fortunate enough that they think of having a baby, start trying and BOOM just like that they’re pregnant! Unfortunately, some have to try over and over and over again. They resort to costly fertility treatments, surrogacy and adoption. All of those can lead down an emotional roller coaster. Recently, a friend of mine was so excited about her pregnancy. It was extra special because she would be a first time mom and she had suffered many miscarriages in the past. Four miscarriages to be exact. This is the farthest she had ever made it through a pregnancy and she was finally sharing the good news. She said, “Ebbs, I’m having TWIN GIRLS!” we were ecstatic. It was the perfect 2 for 1 deal. She imagined how they would look, how she would dress them up, and the love they would bring to her and each other.
The unexpected happened and at the 7th month mark, due to complications, the babies were delivered via C-section. The twins were beautiful and fully developed. Sadly both babies died after a few hours. I can’t even explain to you our devastation and we’re still trying to wrap our minds around it. It’s a void and sadness that my beloved friend will have to carry with her for a while. How is she supposed to answer the question “when are you having a/another baby?” will she ever want to experience pregnancy or think about having kids again? Of course she may be asked by those unaware of her tragedy so that’s why it’s important to be mindful or don’t ask at all.
2.Do they even want kids?
That would be a negative! Not everyone wants children or more children for that matter. I remember when I was younger I would always tell people I wanted four kids, two boys and two girls. If you were to ask me a few years ago I would say two, but now if I were asked, I would tell you that I'm quite fine with one. Some friends, family and coworkers have told me that they’ve made the decision not to have kids. Some say why and some don’t. One friend admitted that she is just more focused on her career, and traveling the world with her soon to be husband. It’s a decision that they made collectively! They feel as though a child will hold them back from all they want to do. They are quite fine with their pets who they say are their children. Do you think they want to be constantly asked about it by family and friends all the time? Absolutely not!
3.TRAUMATIZED FROM BABY BLUES & ppd
I thought pregnancy and giving birth was supposed to be a happy time and it is! However, in my case it was a little different. During my pregnancy, I had so many mixed emotions. My morning and night sickness lasted 3 1/2 months leaving me unhappy and depressed I spent so much time with my head in the garbage can or out my car door Instead I should have been nesting and doing YouTube vids of what was in my diaper bag lol.. If you know me personally, then you know that I love to eat and I would eat meat at every meal. My unborn darling daughter had me on a strictly vegan diet and I was miserable. Before my pregnancy, I never really understood the seriousness of PPD or the complications that are sometimes involved in pregnancy. Well. Let. Me. Tell. You. after my pregnancy, I had PPD TIMES 10 and at the time I didn’t even realize it. I just knew I felt some type of way and it wasn’t good.
Before my pregnancy, I never really understood the seriousness of PPD…
I LOVED MY BABY DEARLY! However, I was angry with myself for feeling the way I did. I felt guilty but I just couldn’t get out of the funk. It felt like a dark cloud had come in over my life and it was consuming me. I became so resentful towards my husband. He slept so sound when he was not on baby duty. He wasn’t the one failing at breastfeeding and he spent the day out at work enjoying the sunshine along the way. However, I came to realize that he was there for me, doing the best he knew how. Im not done yet, my darling daughter had severe colic. No matter what we did, she cried for countless hours. Feeling helpless, I would often cry along with her. At the time; we were in a one bedroom apartment on the 4th floor. Walking up and down the stairs with fresh stitches was a NO, talk about trapped! The doom and gloom didn’t stop there for me. A few weeks after giving birth I started having vertigo that sometimes had me on the floor fluttering like a fish. It’s been almost 7 years since I had my daughter and the vertigo has just now subsided. I’m still freaking traumatized from all of this and the thought of experiencing that again scares the crap out of me. So these are just a few reasons why my daughter is still an only child and that is why I’m so aggravated when I get asked about having another.
4.BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE
If you know me then you know I LOVE my daughter to the moon and back, but she is not cheap. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I’ve been spending money. It all started with the $1 pregnancy test that I marched to the Dollar Store for lol. It hasn’t stopped since. Parents if you have a daughter you know what I’m talking about. Their little ballet tights, tiaras, tutus and pearls add up. My husband and I want to make sure she has a good future. Investments such as insurance, real estate and education are things that my husband and I also think about for her. Luckily for us, we have the help and support of each other. My heart goes out to all the single moms and dads that have to consider these things alone. Some of them don’t want to be asked countless times about having more children.
Have you been asked this question? Do you find yourself asking friends and relatives this question? If you feel like sharing I’m happy to hear all about it in the comments box below. XOXOX.